let's start at the very beginning

Friday, 10 February 2012

Advanced propagation techniques

We moved house just over two years ago and set about trying to create a garden. For the amount of effort we've put in, it doesn't look that flash...yet. But we're trying. Learning as we go. My health had been improving in tiny bits here and there, my world expanded a little and I could do small helpful things some weekends.

My main gardening role has been propagation. Also: bickering with my co-gardener about plant-placement (he who wields the trowel wins). Propagating is the perfect task for me. My husband brings me a pile of prunings, I rest on the cadillac couch with them on my lap and trim them down with secateurs, then pot them up. I must have propagated hundreds of plants in the last couple of years.

I've loved lavishing nurturing energy on the garden. Sometimes, in the garden, I'd think about one day getting a dog. Then I could nurture the trifecta of garden, dog and my dear sweet love.

That common focal point for nurturing, a bambino, wasn't realistically on the cards - so I'd been told for many years and by many experts. Mind you, even without access to my test results, you didn't need to be Einstein or Sherlock to deduce that.

I'd had time to come to terms with this, and there have been so many losses in the face of chronic illness, that this seemed to be just one more. I wistfully accepted it. The thing I couldn't accept, even after time, was that this loss directly affected my husband. Other losses that affect both of us I can minimise, mitigate, try to make up for - but not this one.

Years ago I'd watched him toting a baby niece on his hip, and knew what a kind and gentle parent he'd be. Years ago I had no idea this illness was going to be the grim reaper of so many of our shared dreams. Once the 'years later' had elapsed and the medical reality emerged, I was sad that my Judas of a body most likely wouldn't let him become a dad.

At our wedding, during the speeches, there was no mention of children. I've noticed at other weddings that children feature in the speeches, often quite prominently. I was grateful for the tact of my loved ones, though to be frank, they probably didn't even think about it, it was probably only me that noticed the absence of our non-existent future whippersnappers.

***

A few months ago we discovered that a little miracle had sprouted. In me. A little baby, who we've met at several scans, jumping around in my belly like a loon.

Discovering I was pregnant was the most profound shock I've ever experienced. It felt like the galaxy had split in two, like fireworks went off in every cell, like a tornado whirled through my brain and reassembled it.  

Pregnancy hasn't been easy on me but we are incredulous, thrilled and grateful that I am capable of going through it at all. My husband says he just can't believe my body is doing something right. I know exactly what he means. Turns out maybe propagation really is my secret talent...but who knew it would apply to a little human being and dear new family member?! 

It is too amazing. We are so, so lucky.

36 comments:

  1. Although I've known your wonderful news for a while, I am in tears reading this. I am overjoyed for both of you that you are up the duff (as you say in your label). x

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    1. Thank you, Nasim. V happy indeed to be oop the doof! x

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  2. This is wonderful!
    I occasionally visit here and I have to say this news brought tears to my eyes, even though I don't know you. Enjoy the bambina/o.
    (Love the post title :0)

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    1. So nice of you to stop by onirical, and to share your kind words. Thank you. I am enjoying the bambina/o already, it's very kicky!

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  3. Congratulations, Greenwords! I'm so glad the shock was a good one for you, even if pregnancy isn't easy with ME - you sound over the moon.

    I love the labels with which you've tagged this post!

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    1. Hello there Juliet, thank you for your congratulations!

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  4. Oh my word, I am so happy for you!

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    1. Thank you sylvieromy, it's so lovely and an honour when other people are happy for you!

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  5. You already know how thrilled I am for you, both, but this post made me cry tears of joy for you and for the possibilities of life which it seems can unfold even in the most unexpected circumstances. It gives hope to us all xxxxx

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    1. Thank you so much, sweet Amy. I know you understand all too well what this means for me. Thank you for your generosity of spirit. x

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  6. My goodness, what wonderful news! You clever thing, you! Very best wishes for all THREE of you.

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    1. Amanda, all THREE (!) of us say thank you for your congrats!

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  7. Anonymous11/2/12

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

    I am very happy for you and I hope things continue to get better and better : )

    Katrina

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  8. What amazing news! I am utterly delighted for you!

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    1. It still feels amazing every minute of every day, Foodycat.

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  9. Heartfelt congratulations, beautiful Greenwords

    x

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    1. Thank you so much, Anna MR. x

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  10. Hello Greenworlds, I am so happy to read this. I want to give you hope that it is do-able, as I have had two babies after 20 years of ME (a boy when I was 40 and a girl when I was 42). Let us know what 'weeks' you are and how you are progressing. Have faith in your miracle. Lots of love, Ciara x

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    1. I have always been in happy awe of your story, Ciara, it's so inspiring. Love your advice to have faith. Will email soon. x

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  11. So happy for you, thinking of you during this exciting journey! Cx

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    1. Thank you, Lottie. Been thinking of you too! x

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  12. Such wonderful news, dear Greenwords. Happy for you x

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  13. Congratulations!!!! I am so happy for you! May you be blessed again and again!

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    1. Thanks, Jennie, for your beautiful wishes!

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  14. Huge congratulations! Amazing news! Tears of joy here too. Yes my dear, propagation was certainly the perfect task for you & I know you will nurture that baby just as you do your seedlings, with nothing but love. Congratulations you deserve this miracle! Xxxx

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    1. Thank you so much, V, for your very kind words and thoughts. x

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  15. OMG! That is such wonderful news. Miracles do happen. You have a new and wonderful future ahead of you. I am so happy for you and your husband.

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    1. Apparently miracles do! Who knew? Thanks for sharing our happiness.

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  16. Congratulations re the baby! I love parenthood!

    I am a skilled at propagating plants. True story. Have v green fingers.

    Posted the strog recipe on the comments for you xxx

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    1. Thanks, FF! I think we grow (and no doubt propagate) many of the same plants, living relatively close. Hope your fingers continue to be green and your strog continues to be delish!

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  17. Somehow I missed this post. Congratulations on such wonderful news!

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  18. I have CFS and endometriosis operations in the past and though I would love to have children, I am not taking it as a given as I feel like my body can do nothing right. but you have given me hope at least that life might be different!

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