Friday, 21 November 2008

You do the crime, you do the time

Even when you know it's gonna happen, payback's like being dumped by a wave. You tumble around underwater, unsure which way's up, your face grinding into the sand, lungs burning to gasp fresh air.

My average baseline these days is similar to some PWME's crashes (comparison, not competition) - I know this because I had a couple of years around the turn of the millennium with moderate functionality – my heyday! At the time I felt I was only halfway to my then-goal of full recovery, and strained desperately at the leash of fifty percent. I realise now how lucky I was to have that period of reprieve.

Even though it's sometimes a strategic choice/deal with the devil, I'm not always noble about payback. Between zero-to-five, five-to-ten, ten-to-fifteen percent - those are big functional leaps and falls. I can't wait to be able to breathe again.

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6 comments:

  1. i am so sorry, honey, this is just crap for you. x
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  2. well, i am thinking about you, sending you mental hugs. i wish i had words that could be comforting, but i can't even begin to imagine how tough it must be. so, you'll just have to make do with the hugs. you're far away, so it will take the hugs awhile to travel all of that distance. they have wings, but are very determined and motivated, so you should expect a flock of them within a few weeks.
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  3. Sucky ME! Even when you make the calculation and risk the payback doesn't mean you have to be gracious about feeling awful. Not in my books at least ;o)

    Hoping you increment up the scale with ease and serenity - or at least quickly!
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  4. I think payback time can feel like being banged up again, just when one has a glimpse of being out on parole. It is so very hard - and must be particularly so for you. The image of being dumped by a wave is very eloquent. It's so important to have images that somehow speak for us.
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  5. Hope my comment got through, Greenwords. It seemed to disappear. Good wishes in your direction.
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  6. Thanks so much, all, you're very kind. x
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